Demystifying Trust!

Today someone told me “ Now, I am not a trustworthy person anymore”. I accept that but with a little twist. No one on this planet is completely trustworthy. We play several roles in our life. Family roles, professional roles, social roles are few to mention. We are entangled in these inter related roles. If we try to play one role the integrity of other role might be constantly challenged. This challenges the perception and belief of others towards us. The ideologies will clash. And that clashing makes all the difference. Things are not right or wrong. They are just ‘differently right or wrong’ for different people. And in this, the sanctity of relations would be challenged by us constantly.

If someone breaks your trust. Or if you breaks someone’s trust. Then there are two things that should be reflected upon. The person itself or that incident. Which is of more importance to us, deciding that is crucial. If the person is more important then the incident should become oblivion. And if the incident and its ripple effects are important, then the person should exit your mind.

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Stealing few hours of life from exhausting days.

From my cupboard, found few tube paints, water colors and some unused paint brushes.

I recalled that as a child, I used to spend my summer vacations painting. Sometimes sitting in the store room, away from everyone, painting for hours. Sometimes sitting on the dinning table. Sometimes early morning painting of a tree or even of a joker. I used to buy extra paint colors and coloring books. Filling every page of the coloring book and then thinking why it finished so fast.

Tonight, I sat with those paints, a sketch book and old set of oil pastels. Switched on the old radio set. Which I gifted to my mother. Tune in to All India Radio. Started listening to old melodies. The RJ was talking about Shashi Kapoor’s life.

With my door opened to the balcony, I was feeling the cool air. I started to paint. A tree. Took reference from a website. I was admiring how few colors got mixed so well while others didn’t get along.
In the end, I sprinkled red and yellow color on my painting. My fingers were looking beautiful with paints on them. The sprinkled yellow and red paint left their impressions on my side table and on the hard disk kept on it. The chair too,was not spared by touch of those paints.

I found a rusted piece of my childhood life breathing inside me. I re-lived few memories.

What happens when you are hurt?

I don’t know what it does to others. But now I know what it did to me.

First of all, tears starts pouring down when you are alone. You don’t want to face the world. Because that person was a memorable and happy part of your world. And now, the phase of life has changed that person. Very often, you might have to meet that person in the journey of life. And now you don’t want to face that face. You want to keep those good memories treasured. Which are now being stolen by circumstances.

You start feeling that your eyes are becoming sunken. Your appetite loses its grip on your stomach. Your voice also starts fighting with the world. With all the happiness in the journey, warm tears starts falling on your cheeks. They makes you realize that they are also there. And will be competing with happiness, endlessly.

With all the drama. You stop hoping about anything that will stop those tears. But still, with passing hours, days or may be months. You starts realizing things. In life, you will be hurt by people. And some days, you will also hurt them. All that is there to be learnt is that even if someone hurts you. Just smile. Cry for a little while. But smile. It will make things easier.

Just remember, if that person has hurted you then that person  also gave many good things to remember and learn in life. Smile for those memories. And life will smile at both of you.

The unnoticed character.

My batch mates and I were shooting a small scene for a short film. The scene was set on a cigarette shop. One is playing the role of a spot boy. Holding the camera bag and the water bottle. Smiling widely while watching the shoot. The two others were acting. The writer is the cinematographer. I was assigned for audio recording. Everyone was an active part of the drama going around.

Apart from us, there was one person who was equally participative. The shopkeeper.Sitting on his stool, inside the shop. Wearing shades. A red tikka on his forehead. And top buttons of his shirt were open in style. He himself was looking like some famous bollywood character.

As the camera used to starts rolling, he used to become camera conscious. Smiling. Acting and playing the silent role in the best possible manner he could. Even if nobody asked him to do that. As soon as the camera used to roll off, he used to ease his posture. And attentively listened to our discussions.

We stayed there for quite a time. He added a different flavor to the whole experience. In the end, his expressions too were adding elements to our story. Although nobody noticed that.

Who I am?

WHO I AM?

I’ll tackle this “Who I am” challenge by introducing myself through these ‘Twelve Random Facts’ about me.

1. My name is Radhika.  I came to Mumbai on 2nd June,2015. I am studying Filmmaking and TV production. For next, two years, you will find me in Mumbai.After this I don’t know where will I go. For all those bank forms and other forms- I don’t have any permanent house address. My college address is my permanent address.

2. My mother tongue is Hindi. I write my diary in three languages- Hindi, English and French. I think, I speak in two- English and Hindi.

3. I studied in a convent school. I always hated my school, but I love my school campus a lot.My friends and I used to reach school earlier than other students. We used to have a walk in that beautiful campus. We used to discuss life, career , intellectual and not so intellectual stuff. My school campus will always be the most beautiful and peaceful place for me. I still miss my school campus.

4. Since teenage, I believe in competing with myself, ONLY. I don’t believe in comparing myself or my life with any one else. At the end of the day, I try to be a better human being than yesterday.

5. My love for food is known to all foes and friends of mine.

6. I love to travel. You will find my footprints in almost every state of India. In future, I might leave everything behind ( phone, laptop, camera and other stuffs). And start living, for sometime, in some abandoned place in the Himalayas. The only reason, I have not done this yet, is because my mother will freak out.

7. When I was in 4th standard, during my English conversation and recitation exam, my teacher scolded me really like a monster.Because of which I lost all my confidence in reading and talking to people.I still remember how my left leg used to shiver , when my turn for class reading used to come. Although I got stuck with that for a long time( till 8th standard) , but I got over with it.But believe me, even when I was in 12th standard, and if out of the blue moon I saw her, chills used to ran through my spine. Now, in college when I give my presentations confidently. In my mind, I really thank all my earlier classmates who helped me in recovering from that experience and supported me.

8. I love to read books. I used to have more books than clothes, in my cupboard. When I was a teenager, I was the member of three libraries in my city.

9. I know how to play guitar. Its been five years now, but I am still stuck at beginners level.

10. According to,
My father- I am, rebellious and stubborn.And my mother and sister has a big hand in spoiling me.
My mother- I am sensible, wise and careless. She wants me to enjoy my life to the fullest. And be financially stable in life. (which she doubt, I will)
My  sister- I am half mad, very lazy. Who never cared about the society.
My younger brother- he is still discovering me as his sister.
My dearest friends-I am extremely careless in keeping up with my good health. They behave, as if I am going to die because of my health, in upcoming years.

11. I am usually not scared of anyone. But I am scared of ‘myself’. I don’t know the reason.

12. It’s been almost eight months to my college life. I have experienced a lot of development and changes in me. Some changes, I have accepted. Some, I am still struggling to accept in life.

If there is anything else You want to know about me, ask!

Thank You, for taking out your time to read it.

The girl with roses

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Sitting on the Marine Drive, a girl approached my friend and me. She was selling roses. Insisting us to buy roses. On asking her to pose for us. She cheerfully agreed. She got tired after posing for a while. And sat with us on the pavement, unfolding her story. Sitting beside me, looking at her pictures on my camera. She got curious, wanting to know how a camera works.

At a tender age of five, selling roses. Not knowing where her mother would be, no acknowledgment about other family members. With no worries about the past, present and future. She inspired me in every single way possible.

In that particular moment, on that particular day. Being far more luckier than her, in every aspect, I was far less happier than her.

In that air of distraction, she posed with utmost sincerity and carelessness. My friend offered her money as a token of thank you. She refused to accept the money. Somehow convinced her to accept the money. In return, she hold my fingers, and handed me a rose. Saying, Rakh lo(Keep It). She made my day.

I think, as grown ups, we often forget to cherish the child inside us. Appreciate what you have rather than what others have.